Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Author Cometh!

Rejoice, dear readers, your beloved savant has returned from a perilous journey into the darkest reaches of this place we call earth. The post box has been inundated not only with the usual letter of adoration, but with increasing amounts of frantically scribbled notes no doubt from desperate souls with nothing left to lose, begging for the blog entries to continue. Alas dear readers my apologies shall flow forth like a torrent of remorse washing over rocks of despair. You see friends, due to the myriad of talents in my possession, and unrivalled detective skills, i was called upon by the WWF ( no not the Gladiatorial extravaganza of sports formerly known as the WWF, you buffoon!) to launch upon an animal welfare mission unparalleled in human history. Yes that is right i have been asked to help a walrus find his bucket.

As you can see the evidence i was presented with, while heart wrenching, was meagre with regard to clues. I knew i was going to have to harness all the powers of mind and sharpen my already keen senses. What was required was to harness the deductive
powers of Sherlock Holmes and Charlie Chan and channel the "assertiveness" of Dirty Harold Callaghan to sleuth this infernal riddle. Where could i search for such an invaluable treasure? The peaks of the Himalayas, the Welsh coal mines, the Bermuda Triangle? After consulting with many experts throughout the globe, i was at my wits end. My reason was being consumed like logs burning in the fires of frustration. After much meditation the Sparrow Prince appeared before me and presented me with a riddle as to where i may find the location of the sacred bucket of the walrus, who's name was revealed as "the lolrus" to me by the Sparrow Prince. This is the riddle:
"Humble narrator listen now,
if you wish to know where the bucket is found,
its place of rest is far away,
and nearby is the place where the windies play,
in this zone there resides no sheep,
and this secret you must keep,
the area for which your quest you make,

is geometrically triangular in shape"

And with that the Sparrow prince made haste his exit and i was left wondering where my journey would take me next. Dear readers, my simple plea is this, any assistance as to the solution of this riddle is paramount. Comment to this very blog the solution to this infernal riddle!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dear readers, Your beloved protagonist has been beset upon by the wretched influenza virus and was unable to turn out for the Wizard Sleeves last night!! Fear not faithful fans, this band of brothers with unmatched morale pulled together in the absence of their fearless leader and go the job done. Huzzah! But back to yours truly, has one ever heard of a more preposterous time of the year to contract this deadly virus? I thought winter was the period of contraction for such things? Also surprising, is that, while other young rapscallions are out on the town at all hours injecting the marijuana and stealing garden gnomes, i was at home in bed early and took myself out for a brisk run and a hefty gym workout, but none of this an stem the viral tide of humanity's most annoying virus.

The fact is, i work in an office. So, generally with the flu, you're ill enough that productivity and mental arithmetic will present a challenge but not really ill enough to reach the required sympathy level to take a sick day. Oh, to work for the government, where sick leave can actually get taken without being in exchange for derision and guilt inducements from management. Where are these unwritten laws that dictate the very narrow parameters for acceptable sick days? Or do i just care too much?

As for the weekend, i know you are all eagerly awaiting the report from Friday night, but a gentleman does not kiss and tell but let me just say this, when a man takes a lady to the $6.50 Friday night special then chaperons her to Hungry Jacks and offers here any tasty morsel of her choosing (to the value of $10.00, reasonably!) and is not rewarded with some intimacy and affection then i say this, i believe that what the women of today are expecting must be beyond your humble narrator! A cultured Lothario such as myself should not be having to fulfill certain culinary and monetary outlays simply to win a lady's hand! But enough of such trifles.

This week in the fantasy football world things are looking up, at this stage we may be looking at 4 wins from four starts which would be a most prosperous outcome for our teams this week, and heaven knows a couple of them need a swift kick to the buttocks with their pantaloons removed!

The fillum the my lady friend and i attended entitled "Burn after reading" was an enjoyable film, guaranteed to keep you guessing as to the outcome. It was quite enjoyable to see Messrs. Pitt and Clooney playing characters not of the super-suave hero but actually squeamishly idiotic fools unaware of their own stupidity. Pitt's parody of the super fit, super retarded personal trainer had me in fits of laughter as there are many people i encounter on a weekly basis who i could attach to this person. Oh for the day when people cannot afford personal trainers, so that this pox on the face of humanity can join the unemployment line and get a real job where vanity is not a prerequisite. Ah, yes but back to the cinematic presentation, expect the unexpected and be prepared to use your brain to find the humour. If you thought 'Step Brothers' or 'Talledega Nights' was absolutely hilarious then perhaps you should go find a Pauly Shore marathon instead of seeing this darkly comedic gem.
Anyway readers, i thank you in advance for your many well wishes, influenza drugs, massages and pizzas, but i must get my rest in order to become one of full health to supply you with bite sized ramblings later in the week. Farewell.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Lineups, laments, projections, proctology?

Proctology. Apparently it's the word of the day on one of my many homepage widgets. Fascinating. My curiosity piqued i decided i needed to know what a proctologist looked like. Observe:
Hmmm that guy looks pretty happy with his job, perhaps in another life i could have been one of these noble servants to humanity. Alas, I'll have to settle for wearing my new shirt instead. Behold:
Believe it or not, you don't even have to be a proctologist to wear one, they just sell them! Oh Lord how thou hath blessed your humble servant.

Okay well now that issue has been spent let us look to the moves, predicitons and starting lineups for this weeks teams.

Team 1 the 'Fear' Mongers.
This week the barnstorming FM's are facing the IMG's (yet another work of literary genius). Our unworthy opponents are putting a indescribably weak team on the field this week, but the FM's still need to get the job done. We will be looking for RB Steven Jackson to have his way with the geriatric defence of the Patriots, and i'm putting the farm on this one folks, he will be producing because the patriots D at the moment can only match a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest for effectiveness. QB Drew Brees needs to bounce back from last weeks deflating performance and i have taken a punt for my first Willis "watchoo talkin bout" McGahee sighting of the year, with him finally awakening from his fantasy coma to contribute last week he has won back my confidence but be warned Willis, i am not a soft master, should you fail to produce you will be straight back on the fantasy scrap heap. With Yahoo! predicting the FM's to triumph by 20 points this week it looks like an absolute LOCK. Get your mum and dad to bet the house on this one kids. By that time our heroic band of fantasy STUDS will have delivered the much expected STONE COLD STUNNER on first place winners and be sitting in a enviable position going into the mid season stretch 7-1 my friends, soak it up......

Team2 The Mongoloids
Friends, i feel the putrid bile rising in my throat as it comes time to dissect the pungent stench that is The Mongoloids. Last week i threatened deportation back to their harsh desert wasteland of Mongolia. I promise you dear readers that if they don't win this unlosable game this weekend then a swift deportation is what they will be begging for after they are beset upon by the appropriate 'Hired Goons' with a bloody montage of macabre rituals and so forth. However, perhaps threats of gruesome executions are counter-motivative for these wretched souls, perhaps a bit of 'daddy loves' you will do the trick. Okay The Mongs opponents for this crucial matchup are an absolute affront to Fantasy Football. They are one of thos teams that have half the talent your team possesses but a better record. Ludicrous. For our opponents "1st & 10 (How original OMG i know lololol !!111), i'm looking for the peerless Titans D to shut down his big name receiver Reggie Wayne and for the pathetic, porous Kansas City D to find a way to stop Thomas Jones posting a respectable total on Sunday. With those threats neutralized, Big time rookie Chris Johnson and fresh-from-injury-and-on-his-final-warning-to-produce Marques Colston are looking prime to produce with great match ups. A lot is hinging on the clash between Pittsburgh and the G-men, so i'm hoping that my boss will be out to a meeting so i can keep a close eye on that one. If this motley crew of losers can pull it together it could be just the spark they need to keep on truckin through to the finals.

Team 3 The Mothmonstermen.
Hush your throaty catcalls readers, The MMM are going through a tough patch at present with sensation Reggie Bush being nursed back to health by the genetically impossible Kim Kardashian, home movie star. Luckily your humble narrator has drafted for depth at RB for just this situation and i have Marion 'the barbarian' Barber and Marshawn Lynch to do the job. Kurt Warner might want to stay in his cryogenic chamber for this weekends matchup with the Panthers who have been stopping just about everyone and given up very few TD's to anyone. That said this year seems to be Warner's vintage year and maybe his last until the league passes a rule allowing walking frames and 'gopher's' on the field for himself and Brett Favre, and perhaps unwittingly prompting yet another Vinny Testaverde comeback. ughhh. Also Marshawn's beast mode my be threatened by a Miami run D that has been anything but soft while Marion Barber is facing a miserly Buccaneers D. Santana 'The Other' Moss looks to produce against Detroit, but we can only make plentiful sacrifices to the vengeful fantasy gods that the other studs on this team among teams defy their tough match ups.

Team 4. the Capitalist Pigs.
The pigs really are rallying unlike their lauded system of economy and finance the past 2 weeks and this week are without the talismanic Adrian 'Purple Jesus' Peterson. In his stead we have Ronnie 'Wildcat' Brown and Michael ' What week is it?' Turner. The pigs are following the UPS company line this week and asking, what can brown do for you? as they need Ronnie Brown to take stingy Buffalo to the cleaners, which seems an ask as everyone seems to have gotten a hold of this one trick pony, so come on Ronnie do it for your COACH! Michael Turner is renowned for destroying weak defenses but struggling against more resilient units. This week he faces a Philly D that isn't following the city motto of Brotherly Love. No Sir, they are looking to take this dirty bird down, but with Matt Ryan and Roddy White really getting the vertical pass game going, perhaps a few holes can be opened up for this man of much potential. Other than that we're looking for Dave 'The Calves' Garrard to please make this the ONE week he actually produces SOMETHING. As previously mentioned, Mr. Colston needs to pull his socks up and really show the English that American Football is far tougher than those idiotic rugby players who don't even wear PADS? what kind of game is that? Speaking of which check out this sublime NIKE rugby ad. (They aren't paying me i promise, i have too much artistic integrity for such trifles.) So in a nutshell, this weeks game could go either way, but after studying my opponents, i'd say its not a lock but could be a figure-four-leglock of sorts. The man is starting Warrick Dunn ferchrissakes!

Okay that brings the FF to a conclusion now for our letters segment, this week letter of the week is from one P.I. Staker, who writes:

Dear Jarius, (sic, no VII, such blasphemy! -Ed.)
While i am an avid reader of your blog i would love it if you could perhaps post some more entries, at least twice a day, and do away with this preposterous rubbish of Fantasy Football! You know this American sport is decidedly ugly and not a gentlemanly pursuit by any means. Fox Hunting is a far nobler hobby and one you should think seriously about. The fellows and i do a fox hunt each weekend and the man that snares the most beautiful pelt earns a stern pat on the back from the chaps before we retire back to the conservatory for a few brandies and some brie. However, we have had a lot of trouble lately from assorted beatniks and hippies who have made it their life's work to stop our favoured pastime, even attracting the attention of international news programs!! Perhaps some exposure in your internationally renowned blog will soften the hearts of our cruel persecutors, so dear friend, i beseech you, START A FANTASY FOXHUNTING BLOG NOW!

Yours Faithfully,
P.I. Staker

Mr Staker,
It is not by my own choice but by public demand that i cover Fantasy Football. There are only 24 hours in a day and beleive it or not this unparalelled blog doesnt pay the bills! Unless you care to click on the accursed google advertising on the right about 1,000,000,000 times i'd say i'm probably going to have to keep going to work and regrettably won't be able to continuously write this blog for your enjoyment. As for this poppycock about fox hunting, by decree of the great author of this blog i declare Fox Hunting to be distasteful. Something is not Right about you Mr Staker and i intend to get to the bottom of it. Conversely, i appreciate your patronage of my blog and humbly request you cease to stalk my residence and also to not persist in sending me bullet riddled foxes be express post!

Good Day Sir! - Ed.

It for letter of the week, i must add that i am attending dinner and a movie with a lady friend tomorrow night who is quite the friendly pussycat so needless to say there wont be any entries happening between now and then. We shall inspect Burn After Reading, for which i shall write a review and then we shall adjourn to the local Hungry Jacks for a gourmet meal at my expense, because i believe chivalry is not dead!

And with that i'll leave you with my Clip of the Week! Hilarium!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Don' have the power captain!

Much like the the Enterprise's Chief Engineer, Chief of Security, and Second Officer, Montgomery Scott, I DONT HAVE THE POWER!Okay faithful readers, the motivation behind this breakdown is the realization that i will never have enough dilithium crystals to ever maintain a running commentary on 16 fantasy football times in the style i would like to, that being in over the top eloquence. I have given it countless hours of thought and have decided to concentrate only on the trials and tribulations of four teams. Now dear readers, please, i beseech you, do not attempt to put a premature end to youe existences! no, i urge you, follow your humble narrator's struggle to find a point and purpose to this blog.

So readers, at my behest, lets get underway with the rundown of last weeks results so that i can move onto pimping this weeks moves, dilemmas and quandries.....

Team 1 the "Fear" Mongers (real name NSFW) have extended their record to 6-1 and solidified their Kane-like chokehold on second place with a view to performing the ultimate chokeslam on first place holders "taken it easy" who have problems with spelling and also rudely rebuffed my offer for a trade earlier in the season, much to my dismay. Our opponents "The Fear 2020" (Don't ask) were trounced 107-90 by my mighty band of gridiron warriors. leading the charge was Steven Jackson with a whopping 35 points, easily besting the deplorable cowboys defence in a huge upset victory for the rams. Easily best on field performance by Jackson with honourable mentions going to my WR core (not least of all the diminutive Hines Ward for putting a flabbergasting hit on bengals hitman keith rivers, breaking his jaw in 2 places, not something WR's are known for!) for all breaking 13 points, helped out by the baltimore D with 13 also.

Team 2 The Mongoloids are risking being deported back to their native Mongolia after their second straight defeat sending them to the depthts of yahoo! public league 64573. Despite boasting a king's ransom of talent The Mongs cant get their whole team to show up at the same time, Benny Roth and Chris Johnson produced, but sadly nobody else did, including this weeks mitliple time offender for letting numerous franchises down, marques colston. FYI marques, if youre going to come back from injury, MAKE SURE YOU CAN PRODUCE! I wish this video clip upon you! This group of invalids has proven to be as useful as a screen door on a submarine and quite frankly i'm sick of them, all of them big names but no production. its do or die time for this hapless bunch so stay tuned to see how your humble narrator and fantasy football genius can salvage this worthless piecd of trash fromt he scrapheap.

Team 3, like a breath of fresh air after being forced to inhlae that last FF Fart, its my favourite team, its your favourite team, its THE MOTHMONSTERMEN!!!! Rest your hoarse throats my adoring public, i have sorrowful news, yes you may have heard, the Mothmonstermen suffered their second defeat of the season. I know our lord and saviour Jesus Christ almighty can be cruel, but we have to keep on going..... Hark dear readers, our stud Reggie Bush, a most productive member of the MOTHMONSTERMEN (MMN) enclave, our brotherhood of physical, spiritural and moral vitories, has been struck down by some cruel and perverted twist of fate, vengeful lord hear our prayers!!! may somebody step in to plug this gaping wound in our production!!! Well fear not readers, that man is hear, Marshawn Lynch will be in full BEAST MODE!!! this week versus the pourous miami defense, so the loss of Reginald Bush will be long forgotten when MBIII and Marshawn Pour out domination all over their opponents come sunday like so much Kool-Aid. Ahhh, i digress once again as i tend to do..... where were we, oh yes mourning the loss of weeks 7's game.

The loss of reggie bush and a lacklustre performance from Marvin Harrison, (who these days chooses to use his weaponry off the field rather than on it!) there isn't much more i can say about this defeat except that i hope, like me, my millions of fans out there are, like me, Making rich sacrifices to the football gods in hope that my boys will bring home the bacon this week.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and girls, although not my most prestigious team, the Capitalist Pigs do take part in my most prestigious and competetive league, the Rec.Sports.Football.Fantasy Newsgroup league, to which your humble narrator was invited to take part in, and after a tough draft has learned that you NEVER draft good players on bad teams a.k.a thos slippery cossack devils The Cincinatti Bengals. How dare they let an offence that contained a top 5 QB and two top 15 WR's slide into this current funk of ineptitute and inconsistency, how dare they shatter my dreams in such a fashion, how dare they!

After sliding to a shameful 1-4 record, the pigs have rallied the past two weeks to rise to 3-4 with view to keep on coming as shrewd waiver aquisitions and players returning to form are boosting them. Kyle Orton has been the sviour of our team, with hacks like Carson Palmer and David Garrard on Board, the Jesus Like Orton is truly 'My Saviour'. Last weeks glorious victory was helped along not only by Orton but also by another godly figure the PURPLE JESUS Adrian Peterson, whom many people mocked and ridiculed me for deafting first overall over LaDanian "i dont play full time no more" Tomlinson. well read em and weep suckers cos they are coming home to roost. Also my opponents team just sucked sooooooooo that made it easy. To finish we had two wins and two losses and this literary figure grows weary from the rigours of attempting to piece together intricate prose whilst minimizing the window everytime his boss walks past, and so, must depart.
but not before another WIZARD SLEEVES update.
monday night at newmarket touch fields, on the main oval, (yes the only one with at least 70%) lighting, the ensemble cast of the wizard sleeves were on show. Armed with Slider as my codename i was nominated captain, regardless of the face that the finer points (and rules) of touch football are beyond me.
Early on in the game we were bewildered by the sheer pace of our opponents attack and the curious mix of elderly unfit players with excessivley skilled young rapscallions (a conspiracy of ring-ins methinks), fitness levels were struggling for the sleeves but then the yamba combo of iceman and merlin carved through for a scintillating try, iceman was on hand once again late in the first half to send your protaganist over in the dark corner for a diving try. some great work all round the park, the skills are there, so now the coherence and teamwork needs to come together. As your guide through these epic tales it humbles me to admit that i was careless enough to get over the line with some fancy footwork only to find i was the "dummy half" and was not eligible to score, also i was penalised at least 4 times, for not playing the ball on the mark. i'm looking forward to being able to avenge this poor performance next monday. Farewell dear Readers and shadow hide you.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Home-Time Update

To all my millions of readers waiting with baited breath, here is a small tidbit to tide you over until the completion of tomorrow's game....

I have checked all my results, i'm going to be leaning heavily on Jay Cutler of the Denver Broncos to carry more than a few teams through. A lot of the teams are doing well although my only undefeated side is more than likely to be put to the sword.

More information tomorrow, time for me to retire to my humble abode in the mean streets of Petrie Terrace. Don't forget to bring a band of merry supporters down to the Newmarket touch fields tonight to cheer the ruggedly handsome wizard sleeves home to victory over their hapless opponents. Hurrah!

My Fantasy Football Dynasty as it stands

Ladies and Germs, Below you will see revealed before your very eyes, the full extent to which i am embroiled in FF this year. I play on Yahoo! because its Cheep like the budgie!

However, games are being played as we speak and i am masticating my fingernails waiting on the results of some of them. I am humble enough to admit my record isn't great but i have some teams in there that are fighting valiantly.....

Over the coming weeks you will receive juicy particles of information, insights and my debatably informed opinion on the FF world. also, i warmly invite and banter, comments and suggestions from like minded players who would chance their arm in a contest of wits against yours truly.

So, observe this week and then by Wednesday your humble narrator will have updated standings and then the mind crushing pressure of next weeks selections will be upon us!

As a sidenote, while we are in the business of presenting mammoth sporting contests, i would like to herald the arrival of the latest force in the Newmarket mens C grade touch football competition, thats right dear readers, the Wizard Sleeves are upon us for this seasons action! The team features many former Far North Coast Rugby Union Superstars, whos' true identities have been concealed by their codenames, much like a crafty gang of bank robbers, all have adopted monikers from the 1986 cincematic masterpiece Top Gun. Your Dickensian narrator has adopted the name of Tom "Iceman" Kazynskis' Co-Pilot Slider, should any of his fans wish to identify him in action whilst making scintillating runs through the inside lanes, anyhow, i digress, here are my current FF teams........ More updates later.

One800_punk (15-9-0)

The Mongoloids (3-3-0)
The Mothmonstermen (5-1-0)
Capitalist Pigs (2-4-0)
QB Drew Brees QB Ben Roethlisberger QB Jeff Garcia QB Kyle Orton
WR Santana Moss WR Santonio Holmes WR T.J Houshmazadeh WR Santana Moss
WR Hines Ward WR Carson Palmer WR Santana Moss WR Marques Colston
WR Bernard Berrian WR Donald Driver WR Marvin Harrison RB Adrian Peterson
RB Reggie Bush RB Ronnie Brown RB Marion Barber RB Ronnie Brown
RB Steven Jackson RB Chris Johnson RB Reggie Bush TE Jeremy Shockey
TE Antonio Gates TE Jason Witten TE Alex Smith K Matt Bryant
K Shaun Suisham K Shaun Suisham K Ryan Longwell DEF Miami
DEF Baltimore DEF Pittsburgh DEF Tennessee

BN Kurt Warner QB BN Jason Campbell QB BN Kurt Warner QB BN David Garrard QB
BN Santinio Holmes WR BN Roddy White WR BN David Garrard QB BN Carson Palmer QB
BN Willis Mcgahee RB BN Devin Hester WR BN Roddy White WR BN Kevin Walter WR
BN LeRon Mclain RB BN Joseph Addai RB BN Jamal Lewis RB BN Devin Hester WR
BN Deuce Mcallister RB BN Maurice Jones-Drew RB BN Marshawn Lynch RB BN Chad Johnson WR
BN Jason Elam K BN Fred Taylor RB BN Jason Elam K BN Michael Turner RB

BN Tim Hightower RB

BN Green Bay DEF

The_Official_Fiction (16-8-0)

Shazam!* (4-2-0)
Football Face* (3-3-0)
pwned (6-0-0)
We Are The Beermen (3-3-0)
QB Jay Cutler QB Eli Manning QB Kyle Orton QB Ben Roethlisberger
WR Torry Holt WR Kevin Walter WR Greg Jennings WR Santana Moss
WR Hines Ward WR Greg Camirillo WR Reggie Wayne WR Kevin Walter
WR Mushin Muhammad WR Hines Ward WR Laveranues Coles WR Devery Henderson
RB Frank Gore RB Ryan Grant RB Ronnie Brown RB Adrian Peterson
RB Clinton Portis RB Brandon Jacobs RB Jamal Lewis RB Thomas Jones
TE Dallas Clark TE Anthony Fasano TE Zach Miller TE Dustin Keller
W/R Steve Slaton K Matt Bryant K Mason Crosby K Ryan Longwell
K Josh Brown DEF Miami DEF Green Bay DEF San Diego
DEF Tennessee

D Lance Briggs BN Jason Campbell QB BN Jake Delhomme QB BN David Garrard QB
D Nate Webster BN Anquan Boldin WR BN Marques Colston WR BN Larry Fitzgerald WR

BN Roddy White WR BN Anthony Gonzalez WR BN Anquan Boldin WR
BN Kurt Warner QB BN Darren McFadden RB BN Joseph Addai RB BN Brandon Lloyd WR
BN Steve Breaston WR BN Julius Jones RB BN Michael Turner RB BN Jamal Lewis RB
BN Chad Johnson WR BN Edgerrin James RB BN Jonathan Stewart RB BN Darren McFadden RB
BN LenDale White RB

Holy_Roller_Novocane (12-12-0)

Allah's Army Of Jihad (3-3-0)
Taliban All-Stars (2-4-0)
Policia (3-3-0)
Benson's Boat Party (4-2-0)
QB Jake Delhomme QB Derek Anderson QB Matt Schaub QB Jay Cutler
WR Santana Moss WR Kevin Walter WR Kevin Walter WR Santan Moss
WR Santonio Holmes WR Braylon Edwards WR Anthony Gonzalez WR Roy Williams
WR Marques Coston WR Randy Moss WR Santonio Holmes WR Braylon Edwards
RB Marsawn Lynch RB Adrian Peterson RB Ronnie Brown RB Reggie Bush
RB Chris Johnson RB Marshawn Lynch RB Jamal Lewis RB Steven Jackson
TE Alex Smith TE Greg Olsen TE Antonio Gates TE Owen Daniels
K Joe Nedney K Robbie Gould K Matt Bryant K Joe Nedney
DEF Tennessee DEF San Diego DEF Green Bay DEF Tennessee

BN Donovan McNabb QB BN Kurt Warner QB BN Derek Anderson QB BN David Garrard QB
BN Torry Holt WR BN David Garrard QB BN Donnie Avery WR BN Kevin Walter WR
BN Wes Welker WR BN Roy Williams WR BN DeSean Jackson WR BN Donnie Avery WR
BN Larry Fitzgerald WR BN Brandon Lloyd WR BN Joseph Addai RB BN Felix Jones RB
BN Roy Williams WR BN Matt Forte RB BN Larry Johnson RB BN Michael Turner WR
BN Steven Jackson RB BN Jason Elam K BN Edgerrin James RB BN Earnest Graham WR

Ohjarhead (15-9-0)

Indianapolis Colts (5-1-0)
The Gimps (3-3-0)
Gnar Kill (4-2-0)
Body By LenDale (3-3-0)
QB Peyton Manning QB Matt Schaub QB Peyton Manning QB Jay Cutler
WR Reggie Wayne WR Calvin Johnson WR Dwayne Bowe WR Plaxico Burress
WR Marvin Harrison WR Jerricho Cotchery WR Santonio Holmes WR Dwayne Bowe
WR Anthony Gonzalez WR Dwayne Bowe WR Kevin Walter WR Anthony Gonzalez
RB Joseph Addai RB Marshawn Lynch RB Ronnie Brown RB Adrian Peterson
RB Dominic Rhodes RB Willie Parker RB Clinton Portis RB Marshawn Lynch
TE Dallas Clark TE Chris Cooley TE Zach Miller TE Greg Olsen
W/T Tom Santi K Robbie Gould K Matt Bryant K Matt Prater
W/R Pierre Garcon DEF New York Jets DEF Green Bay DEF Dallas
W/R Mike Hart

K Adam Viniateri BN Tony Romo QB BN Jake Delhomme QB BN Matt Schaub QB
DEF Indianapolis Colts (5-1-0) BN David Garrard QB BN Derek Anderson QB BN Roddy White WR
D Gary Brackett BN Anquan Boldin WR BN Eddie Royal WR BN Larry Fitzgerald WR
DB Marlin Jackson BN Earnest Graham RB BN Reggie Bush RB BN Willis Mcgahee RB
DL Freddy Keiaho BN Fred Taylor RB BN DeAngelo Williams RB BN Jamal Lewiis RB

BN Joseph Addai RB BN Joseph Addai RB BN Chester Taylor RB

Friends, behold my inaugural blogging creation. Inspired by members of my family i have decided to put my ramblings onto the web.

My initial ideas will be fueled by my current obsession with the American phenomenon of fantasy football, with varied opinions and happenings included to spice things up a little.

In all it should be a glorious creation, fit to be mentioned int he same breath as Wilde, Twain and Laird. I Estimate this genre-defying magnum opus will be ready for consumer consumption in heartily portioned servings towards the end of this week. That is all. Goodbye.